And so it has begun. The tantrums. The complete meltdowns upon having things not go her way which leaves her lying on the floor screaming like a banshee. The hesitance to use her words the majority of the time although she sure as hell says the word "NO" clear as day. Usually over and over, like "no no no no no nooooooo". The utter disregard for my repeated attempts to stop her from what she's doing. The intense eye contact and defiant eyes as I'm saying, "Monkey, do NOT do that" while she continues on her way. The "I want what I want and I want it now" attitude commonly referred to as "the terrible twos". (sigh) I knew it was coming. But you're never really prepared are you?

I should state up front that I do not believe in strict discipline. I also do not believe in withholding love and attention. I would never feel comfortable with shutting her in a room and allowing her to cry herself to calmness. To me, that seems that it would illicit the exact opposite reaction of what I'm going for which is for her to always feel loved, secure and able to express herself - even if they aren't warm and happy emotions. I realize this acting out is just part of her development and a lot of it stems from frustration that she is unable to express any other way.

Many people, I'm sure, would think "Okay, fine, then you'll raise a brat". I do not, however, believe in "giving in" to what she wants. I will not allow her to get her way but I will grab her and hold her tightly and express that I realize she is upset at the moment but I'm not going to let her go until she calms down. And I will get down to her level and make eye contact and attempt to soothe her. And even though it doesn't always work I don't walk away from the interaction feeling guilty or feeling that I didn't truly hear her or allow her to feel that she was heard.

And as I was struggling with this over the past few weeks I began thinking back to the our travels. I remember so clearly seeing women in Southeast Asia and in Africa with babies tied onto their backs who were walking along the side of the road and working in fields and standing in crowded buses and not once did I see a toddler have a tantrum. Nor did I see a toddler squirming to get down or doing anything except being mellow and watching the world for a passenger's point of view. I even commented to Mr. Egg from time to time - how are these kids so well-behaved??

I stumbled across this interesting article which really made a lot of sense to me. It was written from a sociological viewpoint about an indigenous tribe in South America. Basically the gist is that most cultures (i.e: not Western culture) are not child-centered. Meaning, although they do keep their children is close physical contact they do not spend much time giving their children direct attention. The children are allowed to go through life as passive observers until they begin to walk and then explore the world on their own. The parents will occasionally give them attention in the form or a hug or kiss or singing songs but for the most part the parent goes about his or her business while the child is simply along for the ride.

Now, I have always subscribed to the idea of wearing Monkey. Ever since she was born. Even now although she's nearly 2 I still wear her instead of using a stroller. So I thought, what's the difference here? I've worn her when I was doing dishes or starting on dinner or hiking through the forest or wandering the aisle of the co-op. But I realized that a lot of the day - I just don't have that much to do. Sure there is some stuff to do. But unlike most people all over the world I don't have to work from dawn until dusk to simply provide the basics. I, we as a society, have it pretty damn easy. So we have more down time. Idle time. Time in which our kids are wondering what to do with themselves because we're wondering what to do with ourselves.

So we busy ourselves and take them to parks and kids museums and gymnastics and this or that and try to cram so much into a day to feel "productive". When maybe the simple answer is that we're just out of balance. We have strayed so far from what nature intended that it's spilling over into areas such as our child's behavior and development. Maybe, although our way of life is decidedly easier, we are doing more harm than good for our kids. Obviously there are many positives to a more modern world. But do those positives outweigh the negatives? I'm not sure I agree with that. Thoughts?