The first time I met her I admit I was intimidated. Although she had a sweet and welcoming smile and a surprisingly soft voice she had short spiked hair that was tri-colored and a face full of metal. She wore the same tan colored Carhartt overalls every day, the shoulder straps covered in political and band buttons, with a various nearly threadbare t-shirt underneath. She was an outspoken dyke vegan activist who was into whisky, poker and punk rock. We worked together at a drop-in center for homeless youth and as the months slid by we became friends and hung out often. Most of our time was spent playing drinking games at her kitchen table while we flirted openly. Even in front of my girlfriend at the time. Yeah, I'm an asshole.

There was always a tangible attraction to her even though she was not my usual "type". She was also very aggressive and open about her sexuality. Since her teen years she had been heavily involved in the SMBD movement in San Francisco. Her previous lover wrote a book about, and held workshops on, fisting. And Aliah was her "model". Aliah was involved with a group up here which held monthly sex parties in random warehouses. Although I nearly went once, it fell through. My girlfriend wasn't down with the idea. Well, actually, she agreed to go but wouldn't let me go by myself. And, honestly, that would prohibited me from playing so I said we weren't going. A fight ensued but in the end it was best.

Fast forward 5 years. When I moved back to Humboldt during my pregnancy with Monkey a friend and I went out to the beach for some driftwood collecting. We strolled along the beach for half a mile or so before finding a spot to set down our blanket. As we were talking about various friends we'd known since our days at the drop-in center she kept referring to Ali this, Ali that. "He" said this or "he" did that. After the fourth or so time I stopped her and said, "Wait. dude. Who are you talking about?". "ALI!", she said. Pause. A light seemed to click on in her head. "Oh yeah! You've been gone through all of this. Well, Aliah is now Ali. And a he. Well, he wanted to be "they" but too many people had trouble with that. So. "They" is what is preferred. But "he" is okay. just not "she"." I think I stared at her with my mouth hanging open slightly as I tried to process what she just spoke. Hey, I'm one of the most open-minded person when it comes to such things but I'll admit it threw even me. It took nearly a year before I could remember to not refer to Ali as "she". I even still slip up sometimes though never in front of him, thank goodness! I have another transgendered friend out here as well, the ex of another friend from back in the day. But I've known him as a "he" so it wasn't a difficult transition for me.

I mention this because as I was lying in bed last night I started thinking about sexuality and the restrictions so many people like to place on it. I, personally, don't really understand what it would be like to feel that I'm "in the wrong body" but it doesn't mean I can't attempt to imagine what it would be like. Luckily I live in an area that is extremely accepting of transgendered people but I think of youth growing up in small towns of righter-leaning viewpoints and it's no wonder so many kids end up killing their self.

One of the things I always loved about Thailand was the acceptance and inclusion of the "lady boys". They're everywhere. In big cities and small towns alike. And they are just accepted by Thai people. It's not even an issue. It just IS.

When I see a transgendered person I wonder about them. Their lives. Their family and friends. What their experience has been like and how much courage it took to live the way they feel more comfortable. I wonder how many people look at them in disgust and shock and obvious judgment and what it does to their souls. Have they just learned to ignore it or does it still hurt? Each and every look. I wonder if the smiles or nods counter the other stuff. Do they have a family to go home to every night? A partner to love them as they are?

What do you think when you cross paths with transgendered people?