I'm usually relatively patient, but I do yell and sometimes I say shit I really regret. I'm more worried about the actual content of what I say (hurtful) when I explode than how it's said (yelling). top

I think it's important to realize that most of the things we get upset about are things that won't matter in a week or two. I try to consciously think "will this matter so much in two weeks". Most of the time, I realize it won't.. and let it go.

What issue were you really upset about? Was it that Monkey wasn't respecting someone else's property? Was it that she put herself in potential danger by climbing up something she shouldn't have.. or was it only about orderliness?

Once you look at that, probably you'll get your answer. :)

As for yelling.. no one is perfect.. and we all do it. Still, it's a good idea to realize that yelling is a form of verbal assault.


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First, I do not know those SuperMoms and I don't want to. Everyone yells at some point. I think that the drudgery of parenting is what makes staying even difficult.

I'm guessing if you feel uncomfortable with your levels of yelling, it's probably too much. And I agree with hgc above that I worry more about what I say than how I say it, because damn if those words don't come back to bite me in the ass. top

Being as I don't have kids I'd go with the voices of experience here rather than me if you have to choose. However, perhaps it should be a priority to explain exactly to Monkey why what she just did wasn't a great idea.

Of course she understands more and more of what you're saying these days but she's still developing her language comprehension (and more crucially her appropriate behaviour in certain situations comprehension) so I suspect clear and simple is the key.

And, bonus, it's harder to explain clearly whilst shouting so it might force you to bring your voice down. My little brother used to laugh at my mum telling him off all the time. She just made a point of keeping a straight face - get the giggles and you've blown it! :)

Tbh, getting discipline right has to be the hardest task. My mum never ever yelled but she constantly made me feel like I'd disappointed her which comes with its own set of baggage. You can't win, but you can do your best with what you have and what you believe is right. top

I hear you, sister. I've been noticing lately how I explode when my little one does something that flips me over the edge. I think it comes with the territory and you should give yourself credit for being conscious of your discomfort and willing to change your practice. That takes guts and insight.
I wish I had more suggestions, but the "usual" ones like time-outs and naughty steps, etc. don't work on my strong-willed kid, so I'll leave it to others to share their secrets. :) top

Lots to comment on here! First, those supermoms who never yell? That's because the valium is in control!

It's not the yelling; it's how much and what you say. Yelling can actually be an effective safety tool. The yell can actually stop a child who's about to cause serious injury to themselves. Unless, of course, they're so used to you yelling they have learned to ignore it.

Yelling is also a way to release anger and frustration and can actually prevent physical aggression. It's WHAT you yell that is the most important. Making a child feel demeaned by your yelling is abuse, plain and simple.

Recognise that there is also a difference between yelling and screaming. Never, ever scream at your child!

Finally, do you remember waking up from a nap (you were about 3), sneaking into the kitchen, climbing up onto the counter, getting the sugar canister, climbing down and taking it into the den on Dreaux? I walked into the den and found you, sitting in the middle of the sofa, sugar all over the place, grinning at me. I took a deep breath, walked to the telephone, called your father, and told him to come home from work immediately to stop me from killing you! Of course, I didn't and he didn't but you were totally clueless that you had done anything wrong. You were just immensely proud of your accomplishment!

BTW, I'd much rather clean up potpourri than sugar! Bwahaahaaa! top

My first impulse is to yell too. Not sure anyone has infinite patience, but I know I will never be even close. top

Everybody yells sometimes, the supermoms just don't admit it.

I got a lot better when I realized that the situation would be the same whether I got upset over it or not. For ex. you still have to clean up the lavender whether you shout and pull your hair out or just roll your eyes and laugh. The former just makes everybody feel worse. It's easier than I thought it would be (sometimes) to step back and view the situation objectively before reacting. top

ahh

i always luv

luv sugar story top

Oh, there are those days. I try not to, but finally she pushes a button and one must yell... top

We all do it. I think the most important thing is to forgive yourself your imperfections, because as soon as you begin to beat yourself up, the guilt will spiral you to more yelling.

For the record, I would have made her help me clean. After yelling.

I have gotten better over the years, mostly by writing about it. It kept me honest to have to report my bad behavior. top

I have suddenly become a bit of a yeller, because I'm telling you, 2 is a rough age. Well, for my little hellbeast it is anyway.

Last week I completely freaked out, shouted too much, and then whisked her off to bed in a far too brusque manner. I felt bad right away, and cried for the rest of the night.

This is my long-winded way of saying that yes, I hear you, and that I have no good advice. I'm so helpful. top

my response is so the opposite. i give a mean stink eye. top

I believe that changing an ingrained emotional reaction is very difficult, however, I believe you have the strength and mindset to make that change. top

This is actually Lisa - didn't realize I was signed in as Jessie (as if he would make my previous comment ;) top

i'm not a yeller. but i use a terribly lousy tone of voice. what i hate is the way M looks at me, like i've wounded her on some terrible level. top

I hope my comment didn't sound all self-righteous. I definitely didn't mean it that way. Did I mention that I don't even have my own children yet?

Oh, and would you really have taken pics for me? That would've been awesome. :) Next time I'll have to commute up to your neck of the woods. top

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